


burning

by misschevalier



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fake AH Crew, M/M, Mild Smut, Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-12
Updated: 2015-03-12
Packaged: 2018-03-17 11:21:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3527417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misschevalier/pseuds/misschevalier
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He couldn’t focus on anything.</p><p>(or Ryan having a mental breakdown after watching Geoff die.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	burning

**Author's Note:**

> I started this before Valentine's day and I named "hey valentine let's cry together" (because I based over this [post](http://youalwayshadtremblinghands.tumblr.com/post/111132929929/but-imagine-really-imagine-your-otp-leaning)) and I couldn't finished to the fourteen, so why not post it now.
> 
> And yeah, totally still writing centric Ryan. 
> 
> Enjoy. ♥

He couldn’t focus on anything.

Not the fire surrounding them, not the pair of hands that were pulling him away, not the explosions that where happening in the distance. He could feel himself screaming and how his hot breath was damping the inside of his leathery mask. Ryan screamed but he didn’t know what he was screaming- it came out as words or he was just yelling at the top of his lungs?

He was trying to run to the fire, to the explosions, but he didn’t know why.

He was doing his best to run forwards but strong hands were pulling him backwards.

He felt himself being thrown against something hard and more hands holding him in position. He could see Jack screaming to Gavin, who was piloting the Titan, her face was as red as her hair. He noticed Lindsay kneeling in front of him, hand on his shoulder pushing him back and next to her was Michael, his hand on the other shoulder.

They were talking to him but he couldn’t understand anything.

They took his mask off and it was just as everything hit him straight in the face.

The world and its sounds were blasting on his ears.

He heard the engine, Gavin and Jack talking loudly at each other and Ray sitting on one side, looking at the ground beneath them. He felt a cold breeze hit his face and he looked at Lindsay, who was snapping her fingers in front of him.

“Ryan,” he heard Lindsay’s voice. “Listen to me. You need to calm down or you’re going to pass out.”

He couldn’t- he couldn’t just calm down.

He just saw Geoff die.

(Geoff kissed his mask and ran to the cops and then, someone just threw a grenade at him.)

“We left him behind,” he muttered between breaths.

(That’s why Ryan was screaming: Geoff was between the explosions.)

Ryan pressed his back against the cold metal of the airplane and he looked down, his hands on his hair, pulling as hard as he could.

(He was trying to avoid looking at anyone.)

Michael tried to stop him, muttering something like “ _you’re hurting yourself, Ryan_ ,” his voice gentle and calm. Ryan pushed Michael’s hands away and pressed the heel of his own hand against his eyes and then felt his whole body shudder.

He didn’t care about the face paint that was probably smearing across his face but it didn’t matter how hard he tried to calm himself down, the same thought appeared on his mind.

He lost Geoff.

He lost his boss, his friend, _his_ _lover_.

“Ryan,” Michael said to him, even when Ryan wasn’t looking at the boy. “You’re bleeding, you need to let Jack take a look at you.” He didn’t notice their landing, he didn’t notice when the airplane door opened.

He got up from the floor with more than a little help from Michael and both of them walked inside their safehouse. Kdin was already waiting outside the small house to get the plane and take it into the desert and burn it up.

Michael sat him down on the couch that was in the living room, Jack already walking with her first aid kit in hand. Ryan was shaking horribly to the state that he couldn’t unzip his jacket by himself and they helped him to get out of it.

The house was quiet, too quiet for Ryan’s liking.

How it was possible that the heist had gone so wrong? It started perfectly but when the SWAT team came after them and a bunch of gangs started to run behind them, they knew they were in trouble.

He felt warmth on his cheek and the looked at Jack, whose hand was on Ryan’s cheek. “Hey, are you with me?” She asked and her voice soft and sweet as if nothing ever happened. “Ryan, I’m talking to you.”

“I don’t know,” he mumbled over his breath, looking away but leaning into the woman’s hand. She was silent before pulling him close, kissing his forehead and wrapping her arms around him. Ryan didn’t have enough strength to move his arms and put them around the woman but he pressed his nose against her neck.

“We will be okay.” Her voice was strangled as if he was trying her best to keep a hard face. “We _need_ to be okay,” and for some reason, he felt that she left _for the lads_ hanging in the air. She didn’t need to say it but Ryan knew. She cared too much for everyone in the crew and everyone cared too much about her, that’s just how it worked.

She pulled him away and helped him to get him out of his shirt, his side bloody and the fabric sticking to his skin. He felt numb and maybe that’s why he didn’t feel the pain from the shot but now that Jack’s cleaning the wound, he groaned and gasped.

He didn’t complain and Jack understood.

Ryan’s heart was going through more pain that his body.

\---

Between Los Santos and their safehouse there wasn’t any type of connection because, after all, they are _safe_ houses: no phones, no computers, no internet, nothing. Now all they had to do is way for one of the Thugs or Plan B to come up and take them home.

If you can still call it _home_.

The first day they had the adrenaline still pumping through their veins and when night fell, neither of them could go to sleep. It was incredible how their bodies were still shaking with emotions.

The second day was even harder than the first.

(When the adrenaline finally vanished from their systems.)

Gavin, Michael and Lindsay had spent a lot time inside one of the bedrooms and Ryan can’t blame them, they’re coping with Geoff’s death as much as he is. He would walk in front of the bedroom door, hearing their soft murmurs and it gave him some kind of hope that everything was going to be fine.

Ray barely slept and Ryan had found Jack sitting beside the kid in the front porch, her arms around him while Ray cried. The night of the second day, Ray’s head was resting on Jack’s lap while the woman talked in a quiet tone and her hands caressed the boy’s hair.

Ryan didn’t want to be close with anyone and it seemed that everyone understood that.

He didn’t have mind to hold a conversation nor heart to talk to anyone.

He couldn’t sleep (because his bed was the bed where _they_ laid after their most successful heist, both Geoff and himself), he couldn’t eat (because he had a knot on his stomach), he couldn’t move out of the couch (he felt numb).

He had spent way too long sitting in there, looking at nothing, doing nothing.

He didn’t know what he wanted to do: he didn’t want to return to Los Santos but he didn’t want to stay in that small house. He didn’t want to murder anyone, he didn’t want to torture anyone yet he wanted everyone to die. Ryan didn’t feel himself anymore.

Mostly because he felt as if he lost a part of him.

That’s why he never wanted to have relationships: this job was dangerous and anything could happen. Of course, Geoff had to convince him to work with them full time because “ _you’re basically part of the team, Ryan, c’mon”_ and he accepted it, like an idiot.

He fell for Geoff and boy, he fell so hard for him.

Maybe it was because when Geoff laughed, the world shook and everything seemed right. Maybe it was because he was smart, even when he was a lazy asshole but when everything worked into his favor, he always got excited, jumping like a small child. Maybe it was his tattoos, how it made him seem like a canvas and all of those pieces were small paintings.

(Ryan could easily compare him to the Sistine Chapel ceiling, just without the religious side of it. He was sincerely a master piece and Ryan could stare and drag his fingers along the man’s ink lines all night long.)

Maybe it was the way he kissed, maybe it was the way Geoff’s hands snuck under his shirt and caressed all of Ryan’s old scars. Maybe it was how he loved to take control of the situation even when he knew that he couldn’t against Ryan’s strength, it was the way how he looked so determined. Maybe it was the way he made love to Ryan, how he cared about him.

Maybe it was just the way Geoff looked at Ryan.

Ryan fell for Geoff and boy, he was such a fool.

This was never supposed to happen.

The fourth day, Lindsay practically shoved a sandwich into his mouth without saying a word. Ryan appreciated but he only could get down half of it. That day, Michael and Ray sat down on the kitchen table and talked in hushed tones that Ryan couldn’t understand.

Ryan fell asleep at the sound of their voices only to wake up two hours later after dreaming about Geoff and the crew. He found out that no one was in the kitchen and most of the lights were off but the porch.

 He couldn’t get back to sleep again and just continued looking at the nothing.

\---

The fifth day, Lindsay’s voice knocked him out of his thoughts and into the reality.

All of them were standing in the living room, in front of him. “We want to talk to you about something,” she started, her hand on Ryan’s neck, as if she was holding him.

“Yeah,” he nodded and tried to sat straighter on the couch. Jack and Michael sat next to him, Ray sat in the coffee table in front while Gavin and Lindsay took the loveseat in the side. “What’s wrong?”

(Well, what’s _not_ wrong, Haywood. What kind of question is that?)

“Someone has to take over Geoff’s empire,” Ray started, straight and going to the point. The kid never went around trying to make things complicated and maybe that’s why Ryan enjoyed his company way too much. “We think you should be the one to take over, you know, as our boss.”

“Me? Why not Jack?” Ryan asked, trying to ignore the sting on his chest. He turned and looked at Jack, a sad smile on his face. “I think you’re more capable than-”

“Geoff would have want it this way,” Michael interrupted him and that quiets Ryan. “He mentioned more than once how great you are when he wasn’t around, that you can handle all of us so easy to the point that  he was getting jealous-”

“Yes, okay. Just… don’t.” Ryan’s begging and looking at the floor under him. He cannot hear this now, he cannot think about Geoff saying nice things about him- he’s dead, dead and not returning. “Let me think about it.”

At the night of the seventh day, Jack opened her bedroom door and found Ryan standing in front of it. “Hey,” she greeted him, with a sad smile. Ryan was silent, looking at the woman in front of him. She sighed and pulled his jacket. “Come in, vagabond.”

Ryan couldn’t help but smile at his old nickname, she always used it with tenderness. He sat down on the woman’s bed, her hand supporting him because his wound had been hurting like a motherfucker. She pulled a chair she kept in the corner of the room and sat in front of Ryan.

“What’s wrong?” She asked, taking his hands between hers.

“Do you think it’s a good idea that I get in… in Geoff’s position?” He asked and she could see all the fear appearing on Ryan’s eyes: the fear of disappointing his crew, the fear of disappointing _Geoff_ , the fear of being a failure or just fearing about taking over.

“Ryan, you’re a leader and we know that. You showed that you could take the reins and solve problems, we trust you and, well, Geoff and I talked about this quite a bit,” she cleared her throat. “When you entered the crew, you were kind of a trophy: you helped to intimidate more than you killed. Then, he realized that you were more than that, under that mask of yours.”

“He did?” Ryan asked.

“Well, he didn’t date you for nothing, right?” She joked but realized that it was rude. Her hand caressed the back of Ryan’s hand softly. “He realized that you were the leader when he wasn’t around, that you had ambition to go for greater things, that you actually started caring about everyone and… well, you knew how to keep in line everyone that worked with and for us.

“He came to me one day and told me that if something happened to him, you should be the one to take over and I understood. I didn’t say anything yesterday because well, it felt as if it was a secret.”

“Okay,” was all Ryan said after minutes of silence. “I will try my best. I cannot be Geoff but I think I can keep his city, his empire alive.” Jack looked at him with a concerned expression and Ryan smiled at her. “I’ll be fine, right? We’ll be fine.” She gave him a small smile and, after standing up from the chair, she pulled him into a hug.

She kissed his hair and his temple, her hands on Ryan’s neck and shoulder.

“He’d be so proud of you, Ryan.”

Ryan rested his head on her chest and his hands wrapped around Jack’s waist.

“I love him so much.”

Jack held him close, a comforting action.

“I know, I know.”

That night, he went to the main bedroom and stood for a moment looking at the bed, at their bed. He took a deep breath and just laid there, Geoff’s pillow under his head. Ryan closed his eyes and fell asleep.

\---

It was early in the morning, probably five or six in the morning, when he woke up with a loud sound coming in the distance. That was probably their ticket out of there but Ryan didn’t dare to move. It was Jack who knocked on the door, repeating “it’s time go back, it’s time to go back” and he could hear her knocking on the other doors.

(Ryan wasn’t sure if she meant back _home_ or back to reality but he didn’t want to know.)

The Titan’s engine was very loud when it finally parked in front of the safehouse. There weren’t any houses around so they didn’t have to worry about someone noticing them. Jeremy and Matt walked down the airplane stairs, smiles on their faces.

Now, what really bothered Ryan was that those smiles weren’t showing any grief, they were fucking joyful and Ryan just glared at them when walking up the Titan. Everyone had a confused expression on their faces but they just shook it off as Matt and Jeremy trying to cheer them up.

Obviously, it wasn’t working.

They landed in the airport and they were driven to their building. Well, it was Geoff’s building that slowly became also theirs: each one of them had their own apartment on that building but they spent too much time in Geoff’s penthouse that they started calling it _home_.

Ryan felt the urge to open the SUV door and throw himself at the highway because he didn’t want to go home. Not when everything belonged to Geoff, when his bed was also Geoff’s, when his clothes were mixed with Geoff’s. He just didn’t want to go.

He didn’t want to go but he _had_ to. For the crew and for his own sanity.

\---

Matt gave Jack the elevator key and the main key to enter the house but for some reason, they told her that the door was open so she shouldn’t worry about that one. Both Jeremy and Matt said goodbye, with giant smiles on their faces that Ryan wanted to punch off them, and they drove away.

They entered the penthouse and everything was quiet, and as the safehouse, too quiet for Ryan’s liking.

Walking inside with caution, it seemed as if this wasn’t their home.

Something fell in one of the rooms and everyone turned to where the sound came from. “It must be Kdin,” Lindsay said and they agreed. Ryan walked to the study, hearing some sighs behind the door and yes, it was very probable that it was Kdin picking up Geoff’s stuff.

He had his hand on the handle when the door was opened by the person inside of the study.

Ryan was standing wide eyed looking a very alive Geoff, who was smiling at him as if nothing ever had happened. He noticed that his boss said something to him but Ryan couldn’t understand what he was saying.

His boss, his fucking lover frowned and his hand wandered to Ryan’s arm, trying to be comforting.

(Geoff didn’t know that that was a mistake.)

Ryan wasn’t sure what had happened to him but he was beating the shit out of Geoff.

At some point, it wasn’t Geoff’s hands the only pair of hands pushing him away and then he noticed Jack, Michael and Lindsay were holding him against the wall; Ryan was trying to move away from their hold. He was yelling at the top of his lungs, he must have looked like an animal.

Ryan was so blinded with anger and sadness and he was so hurt he didn’t know how to feel- how to act when he saw Geoff standing in front of him. His mask was practically sticking to his skin, he had started to sweat and he felt nauseous out of sudden.

He watched Gavin and Ray helping Geoff into a chair.

It wasn’t until Ryan gave Geoff a good look that he stopped fighting against the other’s grip. Geoff had a bandage on his whole right arm and by the way he was holding his right side, who knew how he looked under the shirt. Ryan had made a cut on Geoff’s lip and it seemed like he had hit hard Geoff’s jaw.

They let him go but Michael’s hands were still wandering over his chest, just in case he needed to push the man against the wall once again. Ryan looked at Geoff’s eyes on him and he walked away.

He entered the main bedroom (their bedroom) and closed the door loudly. He took his mask off and panted hard, trying to catch his breath. Ryan sat down on the bed and let his head fall between his legs, breathing deeply.

He could hear everyone talking through the door but the only voice that he could pick up was Geoff’s.

“Jack, it’s okay but can you stop hugging me so tight? I can’t breathe.”   

 _Geoff_.

“I’m fine, I promise. I had worse.”

_Geoff was alive._

“I love you too, buddy. I’m sorry I scared you.”

_Hurt, wounded and burnt but alive._

“Can we talk later? I need to, well, _fix_ something first.”

_Alive alive alive alive._

“I’m not going anywhere, don’t worry.”

It seemed like hours later when someone sat next to Ryan and put an arm on his back, caressing it softly.

“Hey. You seem a little bruised up.” Ryan looked up and saw Geoff’s eyes looking straight at him as if nothing mattered in that moment. Ryan kneeled in front of Geoff and observed him in silence.

His mind was trying to process everything.

He had spent a whole week thinking that his boss, his friend, _his_ _lover_ was dead and that he needed to take over him, take over the empire that Geoff had made of Los Santos, the empire that almost cost his life. He spent a whole week, blaming himself for not protecting the man. Ryan told to himself that he was an idiot over and over, for falling in love with Geoff but mostly for not saying or even showing that to Geoff.

Now, there he was.

Sitting in the bed and those tired, baby blue eyes looking straight at Ryan.

“I’m fine, babe, don’t worry” and with that, Ryan couldn’t help but sob and push himself into Geoff’s lap, crying as if he was a kid. Geoff’s hand was on his hair, caressing it softly while the other hand held Ryan’s tightly.

Ryan was crying.

He thought he had forgotten how to do it, how to cry, but here he was. His face buried in Geoff’s lap, his breathing erratic and tears falling from his face, wanting to hold Geoff as close as possible. Geoff started kissing the man’s hair, shushing him and talking him in a quiet tone.

When Geoff realized, Ryan had both of his hands holding the back of his shirt as if it was a lifeline, his fingers deep in the fabric, Ryan’s face pressing on his thigh. Geoff had one of his hands on Ryan’s neck while the other caressed the man’s arm softly, sweetly.

After so many years of working with Ryan, Geoff had never seen the man had a breakdown like this.

He didn’t know what to do, how to act with Ryan being in such fragile state. His mad mercenary was a mess, kneeling in front of him and Geoff felt useless, just shushing the man sweetly, kissing him and reminding him that _he_ was alive, that he was fine.

They were fine now.

At some point both of them ended lying on their bed, Ryan’s hands still holding Geoff’s shirt but not as tight as before. He was curled up in Geoff’s arms, feeling safe. Geoff’s hand was caressing his hair, his ponytail long gone and the hair tie on his boss wrist.

Ryan felt tired.

He felt so tired out of sudden.

(Maybe it was because he had spent the whole week sulking and mourning his boss, then a wave of adrenaline hit him straight in the face when he saw Geoff standing there smiling him and the wave washed away with the man’s comforting voice and touches.)

It was a while before Ryan said anything. “Your arm…” he shifted on the bed and moved over so he could look at his lover’s arm. His careful hands held Geoff’s arm carefully, his fingertips caressing the bandage.

“My tattoos are fucking wreck,” Geoff started. “The fire got me, both my arm and my side. Thank god that you were fucking stubborn with the masks because if I wasn’t wearing one, my face would look awful now so yeah.”

Ryan didn’t say anything, hearing Geoff talk about what happened (and how Caleb patched him up the best he could and that if it wasn’t for the car, he would be probably dead and all that stuff.) At some point in the story, Ryan drifted off and slept all the hours he didn’t when they were on the safe house.

Geoff didn’t seem to mind and he just stayed there, holding him.

\---

When Ryan woke up, he didn’t want to open his eyes.

He was afraid that if he opened them, he would wake up on the main bedroom in the safe house. He would wake up in a world where Geoff wasn’t alive, where the fire just ate his body and Ryan couldn’t hear his painful screams. Ryan was afraid that everything was a dream and he was waking up in a nightmare.

He was afraid that he was becoming insane.

Ryan felt a hand caressing his hair and he whimpered into his pillow because those fingers must belong to Jack, her loving touch trying to comfort him as much as she could. She would have notice that he wasn’t on the couch and found him there, sleeping pathetically on Geoff’s side. Everything was a dream, a dre _am,_ _dream_ -

“Ryan.”

He’s just drea _ming_.

“Ryan, wake up.”

… _dreaming?_

He shook the sleep out of him and opened his eyes, finding Geoff sitting on the bed, his back on the headboard, one hand on Ryan’s hair while the other just lied on his abdomen. “Hi.”

Ryan wasn’t dreaming and Geoff was alive, a little beaten up but alive and Ryan couldn’t be happier.

“Hi,” he almost gasped, shifting on the bed, silently observing each other for a while. Geoff’s fingers kept playing with Ryan’s hair for a while before he said something.

“Jack told me,” Geoff started.

“That I was going to take over as the boss? They asked me and-”

“No, not that.”

Ryan was in silence for a moment, looking curiously at Geoff.

“That you love me.”

Ryan sat on Geoff’s lap, his legs on either side of his; Ryan’s wandering over Geoff’s neck and shoulders.

“Are you okay?” Geoff asked, his arms now wrapped around the man’s waist.

It was a while before Ryan answered, nodding his head.

“Yeah, yeah.” Ryan felt strange but Geoff pulled him into a kiss and Ryan quickly forgot about everything. The kiss was passionate and warm and, god, it was overwhelming.

When they broke the kiss, Ryan hid his face on the man’s neck. He felt as if he wanted to say a lot of things but he couldn’t get them out and right now, he wanted Geoff _close_. Geoff’s hands sneaked under Ryan’s shirt, caressing his scared skin carefully but softly. Both of their shirts came off and he didn’t know why but he felt Geoff was looking at him as if he was the most precious thing in the whole world.

Geoff’s touch was always tender and his kisses felt good on his skin. Ryan kissed Geoff’s neck and shoulders, his hands wandering on the man’s skin, touching the border of man’s bandages slightly. He felt a rush inside of him telling him that he _needed_ Geoff, he needed him.

At some point, their pants and underwear came off Geoff had his fingers on his hole and even when he was kneeling over Geoff, Ryan’s legs were shaking. He was squirming under Geoff’s touches and kisses, he could barely hold himself up and he’s just _overwhelmed_ by everything, he can’t focus on anything but Geoff’s eyes. Those blue eyes are looking straight at him and Ryan couldn’t do anything else that moan and pant, begging for more.

Suddenly, they’re kissing, Ryan was moving down slowly while Geoff held him lovingly.

Ryan’s hands were caressing desperately every inch of him and when Geoff set the pace and hit _that_ spot, Ryan just dug his nails on him, hearing him gasp and moan with every move. When they aren’t kissing, their looking at each other, moving slowly. They were close and Ryan’s mind was just a fog: he was feeling so much pleasure, so much _everything_ he could barely speak.

He came with a muffled moan, his teeth digging on Geoff’s shoulder, his fingers tangled on the man’s hair. Geoff wasn’t far behind and Ryan whimpered when he felt warmth filling him up.

Ryan didn’t realize that he had started to cry at some point and he felt so stupid. He was shaking while cleaning the tears away but Geoff shushed him. “You’re hurting yourself, Ryan,” and his hands were on his neck and on his face, cleaning his tears softly. “It’s okay.”

“I love you,” he whimpered. “I love you. Don’t dare to do that that again, I’ll fucking-”

“What did you say?” Geoff looked at him. “Ryan, Ryan.”

Their relationship started because Geoff wanted to mess with Ryan and suddenly enough, they casually fucked. It was something they didn’t share with the rest of the Crew (maybe because it never came up or maybe because it was something that was just theirs.)

They didn’t know how or when their feelings started tangling up in their relationship and suddenly they forgot about fucking, just enjoying each other: lying on the bed doing nothing, talking about business or what they did for the day. How domestic they started becoming, how Geoff had three suits and almost ten different shirts on Ryan’s apartment. Eating dinner together, watching movies together, torturing people together. Just like a couple.

But after all, Geoff had never said those words to Ryan, neither Ryan had ever said them out loud and maybe because of that, Geoff’s heart was beating to the point he worried Ryan might had notice. He held him there, looking straight into the mercenary’s blue eyes.

“I love you too.”

“Yeah? You do?”

“Yeah, I love you way too much.”

“Good because I’ll probably beat the shit out of you and I don’t want you to leave me because of it, I mean it and-” and Geoff’s laughing, throwing his head back and Ryan stopped midsentence.

He couldn’t focus on anything else but Geoff.

Geoff was alive.

And Ryan couldn’t be happier.

**Author's Note:**

> [my tumblr.](http://somespontaneouswriting.tumblr.com)


End file.
